Tuesday, December 23, 2003
Merry Christmas!
I will be off shortly to celebrate with my sister and her family.
I will be back to posting in the new year. 11:32 am
Wednesday, November 26, 2003
Last night I happened upon "Be Good, Smile Pretty" a young woman's (Tracy Tragos) story about her search for her father who died in Vietnam when she was 3 months old.
If you have a chance to see it, do. It was fabulous! I cried through most of it and it certainly did bring back memories from that horrible time in our country's history but mostly it was about the need to know a part of herself that she had been missing her whole life. It was beautifully done.
Want to know more? The following websites have info. The TV broadcast was on the PBS show, Independent Lens.
http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/begoodsmilepretty/film.html
http://www.orphansofwar.org/video.html
Unfortunately this is not an isolated story and our country is currently creating more grief stricken families.
I did what I could before the war started by letting my representatives know that I did not support this war and lots of prayer, but I honestly don't know what to do now. I don't know how we get out now without creating an even worse situation than the one we are obstensibly there to correct.
As far as I am concerned the most important thing right now is to get rid of George W. Bush. This man has done so much damage in 3 short years it is terrifying and the thought of him having another 4 years to do more damage....makes my blood run cold. As it is we will be cleaning up his messes for decades to come.
The lastest fiasco is this medicare bill which essentially means that by the time I am ready for medicare (another 12 years) there will be no medicare.
What are they thinking?
1:40 pm
Thursday, November 20, 2003
I think this may be the website of the year http://www.roadtripnation.com
Check it out if you haven't heard about them. They are getting lots of press and PBS exposure.
Below read my e-mail to them after reading their site.
Hi!
I just wanted to say how impressed I am by your endeavors. I have always believed that one's twenties are THE time to explore. Too many times I have seen young people make premature life decisions that they live to regret. As a therapist and now as a coach, I tend to see them when they are in their forties, wondering what went wrong and what to do about it now.
I am also of the opinion that there is not just one path but many and that changing course at any stage of life, is an opportunity to learn and experience something new. Each call to change reflects our continued evolution as unique human beings. Thank you for encouraging everyone to heed that call.
I will be adding a link to your site on my website http://www.allergicto9-5.com and in my blog. Your message is vitally important not just for each individual's personal satisfaction but for the survival and peaceful evolution of our global neighborhood. The world needs lots of creative, visionary and happy people to create real change in the world.
Best of luck to you all. I look forward to whatever's coming next.
Susan Fuller 2:25 pm
Tuesday, November 11, 2003
I would like to encourage readers to leave comments. Makes things more interesting. Now that I am getting site statistics, I know people are reading so feel free to let me know what you think. I love dialogue which is why I try to make my speaking engagements as interactive as possible. My favorite are groups of less than 20 so there can be a real exchange of ideas.
But I digress. A reader e-mailed me personally rather than leaving a comment. The gist was that I should not endorse any political candidate (especially Howard Dean) on this blog because I might chase away potential clients. Her second objection was because Howard Dean is anti-Israel. Interesting! Let me respond to each of these comments in turn.
As far as endorsing a political candidate. I am fine with a potential client disagreeing with my politics. That doesnít bother me in the least because I embrace diversity and welcome an open exchange of ideas in everything I do. Hanging around people who disagree with me, makes me think more deeply about an issue. Sometimes I even change my mind but regardless of the end result when I am challenged in my beliefs it makes me think and look at things differently. In other words diversity is an environment which helps me evolve.
So a client who is equally comfortable with diverse opinions is an ideal client for me whether we agree or not. Likewise if a potential client is not comfortable with such differences then that person would be better off with another coach.
On the other hand, if someone agrees with me then we have a point of resonance upon which to build a relationship. So I would be a good coach for this person if my area of expertise is what they need.
So for me, itís a win-win. Potential clients know exactly what theyíre getting. And for me, by allowing my opinions to be visible I weed out clients I donít really want to work with and attract the clients I do want to work with.
Now as to Howard Dean being anti-Israel and anti-Jewish, I have to ask where did that come from? From the little bit of research I have done it apparently came from a remark about the US needing to be evenhanded with all parties in the conflict. How on earth is that getting spun into anti-Israel?
This is a perfect example of why we all need to go back to the source rather than letting pundits, spin-duds and TV news interpret what is actually being said. When I hear stuff like this and then go to the original speech or article I am rarely able to find in the original what I am being told is there. Itís amazing! And very frightening.
Back to Howard Dean. Here is what he says on his web site (for the full text go to
http://www.deanforamerica.com/site/PageServer?pagename=policy_policy_foreign_mideast).
"To get there, the Palestinian Authority will have to fight terrorism and violence on a consistent basis to create the conditions necessary for a viable peace process. The Israeli government will have to work to improve the living conditions of the Palestinian people and ultimately will have to remove a number of existing settlements. These issues and others will all be elements of a final agreement negotiated by the parties.
Through it all, the United States will maintain its historic special relationship with the state of Israel, providing a guarantee of its long-term defense and security. And the United States will have to take responsibility with its international partners for helping the Palestinians establish a middle-class democratic society in which women fully participate in economic and political decision-making. The international community must support these economic reconstruction efforts which are essential to the long-term success of any agreement between the parties."
Here is another comment from Allen B. MacKenzie's blog
"...once again, the spin machine is raging out of control, and the first casualty has been the truth. What Howard Dean said, in an extemporaneous remark on Israel, was that the US must be "evenhanded" in the Middle Eastern conflict. Hmmm... That doesn't seem too controversial. I'd like to think that our government would be "evenhanded" in everything that it does. Some pundits then took this statement, combined it with the false meme that says that Dean is a raging liberal, and reached the conclusion that Dean was abandoning the United States' special relationship with Israel, a conclusion which is simply false. In fact, while Dean has (rightfully, IMHO) attacked Bush on a number of other issues, Bush and Dean have almost identical views on Israel."
And there is an interesting article at Salon.com (if you are not a subscriber the ad takes 2 seconds) which highlights for me that you can listen to what people are saying about him to serve their own agendas or you can listen to what he is actually saying. BTW this is true in all things not just Howard Deanís campaign. You can listen to rumors and opinions and interpretations or you can get the facts from the source and form your own opinions.
The Salon.com article also pointed out that Howard Deanís wife and children are Jewish. Good point! 2:14 pm
Tuesday, November 04, 2003
I am just back from the Coachville Full Practice Intensive. Inspiring!
If you are in any kind of service business, take this program!!! The next one is in Austin, Texas in December. To check it out click here 6:03 pm
Monday, October 27, 2003
The other night I saw Debbie Reynolds perform (on Lifetime) as part of a concert of women performers. I was so struck by her. I have always liked her in Singin' in the Rain, The Unsinkable Molly Brown and such but I had never identified why. She sang ìTammyî (a song I used to sing with my Dad at the piano) and a ìGood Morniníî duet with some young woman I am sure I was supposed to know but didnít. What struck me from the moment she started singing was how effortless it was, subtle and with ease. By contrast her partner in the duet was straining and her breathing was off. I couldnít even tell when Debbie took a breath it was that even and flawless.
It was a wonderful example of my goal in life which is to stop struggling and succeed with ease, to be in the flow if you will. And in Debbie Reynoldís case, from that ease came a powerful stage presence. Thatís the lesson. When we can get into the flow of our lives and work, success, however we define it, comes easily and enhances our effectness. Struggling just begets more struggling. For myself, I donít have it in me to struggle anymore. Struggling means that something is off and perhaps I need to reevaluate what it is I am trying to do. How about you? Are you struggling or are you in the flow, effort with ease?
That is the definition of flow. Effort with ease. I like that. The term flow has made its way into our vocabulary but was coined by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi who wrote the book, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, in 1991. I never did read the book but the concept caught my attention and that of others. I never really defined it before but that is what it means to me, effort with ease.
The other thing I observed in Debbie Reynolds was the light in her eyes. During one close up in particular, I saw this twinkle in her eye that delighted me because it was the same twinkle that had always been there. The light of her soul shining through in every performance because performing, especially musical comedy, is her passion. I donít need to read a biography or press release to know that. I can read it in her being.
So there is the other lesson. Always, always do those things that you are passionate about. And let that passion be so transparent that nobody needs to ask.That is the path to living joyfully and with ease. It is so much easier to get into that state of flow when our whole being is engaged in our work. In fact, I donít think that flow is possible without being passionate. Trying to do things we donít like doing or forcing ourselves to do things that we are ìsupposedî to be doing means struggle.
So thanks to Debbie Reynolds for the reminder. Teachers and role models appear in the most interesting and unexpected places. Pay attention.
BTW My favorite movie is Mother with Debbie Reynolds and Albert Brooks. It is a classic. My other favorite movie is A Thousand Clowns (appears to be unavailable) with Jason Robards. Now there is a character who is ìallergic to 9-5î and I have always loved him for that.
11:08 pm
Monday, October 27, 2003
11:06 pm
Thursday, October 23, 2003
I am bored with this blog. My intention for writing it is to give you, my reader, a sense of who I am but a travelog is not accomplishing what I want.
This is an old problem. One of the reasons I have always had trouble communicating exactly what I do is not being able to accurately describe the experience of what I do. As a transpersonal psychotherapist I always struggled with differentiating myself from all of the other people who were integrating spirituality into therapy because it all sounded alike. The truth of the matter is that what I did as a therapist was totally different because the spirituality was never an add on. My whole training was a full integration of spirituality with psychological theory. And the whole focus of the therapy was to raises my clients' awareness of who they really are (Self, Soul vs self, ego). As a coach my focus is not to identify who they are but to help them create a life and work that is in full alignment with who they are, a life that is satisfying, meaningful and prosperous and which never compromises on the essential integrity of each person.
I am being interrupted by my 4 year old nephew. It is his birthday today. He thinks the colors in the title bar on Mac OS X documents look like M&M1s.
He just did his letters and numbers on my computer but wanted me to erase them. He thought it was great fun to hold a letter down and watch it appear in line after line across the page. We did a whole page of D1s.
This is one of the great things about being self employed. I packed up my work and brought it with me. Last night I went to see my niece1s gymnastics class and today I am hanging out with my boy on his birthday.
He just gave me a treasure. I asked him what the treasure was and he said it was many things. Gold? Love? Yes all of that and more. He just gave me more treasure. It is lots of jewels and old tea pots. This is so fun!
Til later.
11:30 am
Sunday, October 19, 2003
I am just back from vacation. Here is my ideal vacation. Camping. Near the beach. With the dog. And a box of fiction. My favorite places are the Outer Banks of North Carolina and Rhode Island.
This year it was Rhode Island. Block Island for 2 nights. Blue Dory allows dogs. The accommodations were very nice but expensive and there is no campground on the island. Probably wonít go back unless it is for a day of biking. Found one very lovely beach where I could let the dog run free.
Then 6 nights camping in South County. Hardly anyone there. Spent my days reading in front of a campfire or on the beach and playing with the dog. Ideal as far as I am concerned. Had great weather except for one rainy day and even that was not a hard rain so the fire kept me warm.
I came back feeling very well rested. 8:02 pm
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
I have been posting or at least attempting to. Twice I have written these long posts only to lose them before they are published. Very frustrating.
Last night I was too tired to do anything other than put up the link for the Dean poster.
The long and the short of it is that I do support Howard Dean. His values are in alignment with mine and I am supporting his campaign. Today is the last day of the quarter and your contributions would be greatly appreciated. Contribute Now!
I have since researched his stand on various issues and have listened to him speak but my initial support came from a flash of intuition that was unusually strong. Interpretation is always tricky. Did it mean he will win? Did it mean he will be the Democratic candidate? Or am I just to support him? Don't know but supporting him seems right and personally I think he is going to win the election.
The only issue I don't agree with him on is the death penalty. He did not always support it but changed his mind after Polly Klaus was murdered. I can understand that but don't agree. Basically I think the death penalty is nothing more than legalized murder and that taking a life is not up to any human being no matter how righteous the cause. Besides a lifetime in prison seems to me to be the greater punishment.
I am going to get this up before I lose it again.
More to come. 11:44 am
Tuesday, September 30, 2003
†
2:14 am
Tuesday, September 16, 2003
Just wanted to share a comment I posted on a coaching discussion list.
The topic came up in reference to a legal battle in Colorado that is trying to define coaching as a form of psychotherapy.
Thanks Ken for going out on a limb! No verbal stones here.
You said "Coaching IS a form of psychotherapy". Coming from the psychotherapy
persuasion (15 years in practice) and heartily embracing coaching, I would
rephrase that to "Coaching CAN be form of psychotherapy" and "Psychotherapy CAN
be a form of coaching" And despite all of the attempts to differentiate the two, the line
remains and probably will remain blurry.
And I agree that by legal definiton much of what coaches are doing COULD fall under the regulation of mental health laws. Personally I don't want to see that connection made but
the challenge has been long anticipated and will only escalate as psychotherapists in private
practice realize that their coveted *personal growth* market is hiring coaches. I believe this
is going to be happening more and more because coaching works and there is no stigma.
Personally, the distinction I use is that psychotherapy is about healing while coaching is about
accomplishment. Healing includes but is not limited to diagnosable disorders. For me
this is the simplist and most accurate distinction I have been able to come up with and it
is one that potential clients readily understand. Whether legislators understand it is an entirely different question.
A more technical definition for me is that as a coach, I do not work with the transference which is the client's projections/feelings in their relationship to me which provides a laboratory for healing and transforming their own personal and familial relationships. As a therapist I do that all the time but not all therapists do. The laws you cited do not refer to this at all.
On several occasions, I made the case to Thomas (with little success) that we should be looking at the alternative practice laws that are being passed around the country due to the lobbying efforts of The Coalition for Natural Health http://www.naturalhealth.org.
I believe that Minnesota and Rhode Island are the only states that have actually passed a health freedom law but I may be wrong. There are legislative battles going on all over the country. I supported the law in Rhode Island because it allows for the practice of unregulated professions while providing a client bill of rights which is really designed to protect the client.
You can check it out at http://www.rilin.state.ri.us/publiclaws/law02/law02133.htm
The problem with these laws for coaches is that they are totally focused on health care which is a category coaches don't want to be in at all. I do think these laws provide an excellent model for allowing all of the various forms of coaching to be practiced without getting lumped in with the mental health models.
In any event, hold on to your hats. This is going to be a long, hard battle. These things take years. The Minnesota law took 5 years to pass. Getting a law to license Mental Health Counselors in Massachusetts took 7-8 years. The opposition was from social workers and psychologist and it was totally about who had access to the market.
I sincerely hope that the ICF and the IAC are ready to work together on this issue. And that there is an acknowledgment that self regulation is not going to be enough and we are going to have to fight this battle legislatively.
12:44 pm
Saturday, September 13, 2003
Well it has been a busy few days.
My first website went up today. Check it out at allergicto9-5.com
And, as of yesterday, we made the deal for my dad's property. Lots of wheeling and dealing which I must say was rather fun. All that's left now is probate, taxes and lawyer's fees.
The 2 things I have learned from dealing with my dad's illness and now his estate.
#1 Get long term care insurance because it will make all the difference when it comes to assisted living and nursing home care. A lifetime's worth of premiums is less than one year in assisted living. Well worth it.
If you are between 50 and 60 (or your parents are) this is the time to buy. Some financial planners suggest early-mid fifites while others suggest close to 60. In any event, plan for it now.
#2 Unless you have a compelling reason not to, put all of your assets in a Revocable Living Trust.
We did have a compelling reason that would have saved us $2000-$3000/month had he needed to go into a nursing home but I must say this probate process is a royal pain. Time consuming and expensive even in Massachusetts which they say is cheap.
Well, I have learned the lessons for my own estate planning and I am feeling really good about how we (my sister and myself) managed all of this.
Overall we went from having not a clue about his finances to taking them over, we got him into assisted living which was wonderful (Sunrise Assisted Living is the BEST), cleared out his house which included throwing out to do lists from 1977 (no kidding) and have now sold the property. Not bad! Not only are my sister and I still getting along, we are closer than we have ever been.
And I am so ready to get back to my own life. Building a business, watching my niece (5 1/2) and nephew (almost 4) grow, enjoying Heidi (2 1/2 year old Golden Retreiver) and moving to either Central Massachusetts or Rhode Island within the next year or so ( or I may go RVing for a while). Lots to look forward to. 5:51 pm
Thursday, September 11, 2003
My first entry!!!
Just back from a camping trip with my golden retreiver, Heidi. We were at the beach in Rhode Island. Gorgeous!!! Hardly anyone in the campground or on the beach. Hard getting back into work.
Came back to negotiating the sale of my dad's property. Big deal!
And tomorrow my first website goes up. Check it out allergicto9-5.com
Lots of firsts! Very exciting.
Stay tuned. Although linked to my website, this is a place for me to ramble and muse on a variety of subjects which may or may not have anything to do with my coaching business.
12:50 am
